I posted yesterday about my experience at She Speaks in 2005. God showed up and showed off. This time was no different. However, I must admit that when asked by someone I sat beside at lunch on Saturday how I was doing, I told them I was feeling a bit weird about the whole thing.

I explained yesterday about the uncertainty I felt about attending. The truth was, I just wasn’t sure if image ministry was actually for me. It seemed like a good fit, and God has given me a knack in this area, but I just couldn’t seem to put my finger on anything concrete.

Friday evening when we met with our evaluation groups for the first time, it was discovered that three of the ladies who were in our group had not requested the image track. Of course, we know now they were most definitely supposed to be in there, and I am so grateful I had the opportunity to meet them and spend time with them!

Anyway, they asked Shari what exactly it meant to be on the image track. She told them it was for women who specifically felt called to speak about beauty and fashion from a Christian perspective to other women. She went on to explain some about her own ministry.

At this point, I wanted to run out of the room. My teaching talk wasn’t about beauty and fashion. Yes, I had signed up for the image track, and I did think that whatever I spoke about should cover that in some form or fashion (pardon the pun), but that was not how things had turned out.

I found it difficult Saturday morning to focus on my breakout sessions. My mind kept drifting which annoyed me because there were some fabulous messages being brought, and I knew I needed to be more in tune. However, I couldn’t get over the disquiet I was feeling about my teaching talk.

I knew I was not going to be able to finish in five minutes. It was a good topic, but it wasn’t a five minute topic. I had travelled this path before, and I did not want to find myself in the same position as last time. I did NOT want to miss the opportunity to deliver a God-honoring message in the time period I had been given. I ran into a couple of different ladies from my evaluation group during the course of the morning and lamented to both of them that I was having difficulty with the time aspect of our talk. They confessed to the same problem but suggested I stop worrying because it would be what it would be. Good advice, but I am nothing if not a tad on the stubborn side. Just ask my husband. Then again, maybe not. At lunch, I made a decision.

I decided that I would skip my afternoon sessions and go back to my hotel room. I didn’t want to miss these fabulous sessions, but since I could order them on CD, I made the decision that that was what I would do. I knew I was in trouble with the talk I had prepared, and it was my desperate hope and prayer that God would provide something else. And oh did He ever!

It was the most amazing thing! The conversation went something like this.

Me: “Um, God, what do you have for me?”

God: “Open your David devotional book (Beth Moore’s 90-day A Heart Like His on David).”

Me: “Where do I start, Lord? I haven’t looked at that book in over a month.” (I have been working on another Bible study.)

God: “Start where you left off last time.”

Me: “OK.”

So that is what I did. I wish I could tell you that inspiration suddenly came flying off the page and leaped into my poor, desperate brain, but, alas, it did not. I was reading in 2 Samuel, Chapter 8. Basically, David defeated everyone he went up against. It was a real shining moment for him. It would have been a real encouragement I’m sure under other circumstances. However, for my purposes, I wasn’t getting it. I didn’t see how this was supposed to give me a talk. BTW, time did not stand still while I was doing this, so as I looked at my watch and tried not to panic, I began praying again.

Me: “Um, God, I’m not seeing it.”

God: “Keep reading.”

So I did. I wish I could tell you how I got from 2 Samuel 8 to Hebrews 12:1, but either I don’t know or I can’t remember. I am unsure which is right. Perhaps what actually happened is God just wanted me to sit still, get into His Word and listen. I did and oh what a return on investment!

Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

I had my teaching scripture, and God and I went from there. He is so awesome, and I love Him so!

More tomorrow.

I apologize for not getting this up right away after returning from the She Speaks conference, but the truth is, I haven’t quite known how to put into words the experiences that I had this weekend. As I write, I am praying that God will guide my words so that you might catch a glimpse of what is was like for me.

I discussed in a previous post attending She Speaks in 2005 and what has transpired in my life in the area of God’s calling since that time. I had not been back to the conference since then as I had not felt the Lord leading me to attend. When I became aware of Shari Braendel now being a part of the Proverbs 31 speaker team, and that she would be leading a track for women who feel called to Image Ministry, it seemed the Lord was again calling me to the She Speaks conference.

I signed up almost immediately after the opening of registration because the Image track was limited to only 12 ladies. However, as time passed and I found myself struggling with what a speaking ministry might look like for me in this area, I began to question why I was going to the conference.

I would like to mention here in case you haven’t read my previous post that it was an amazing experience the last time I attended. So God-filled and God-honoring, still…

I often thought about cancelling my registration but was never able to bring myself to do so. Finally, the time for the conference began to quickly approach, and I realized I had waited long enough that I would be unable to get the majority of my money back if I canceled. So it was with a confused heart that I accepted that I was going and began to try to prepare my five-minute teaching topic for Saturday evening’s evaluation group. And then…nothing. Nada. Zip.

I didn’t really panic about this because God didn’t give me my teaching topic when last I attended until the Monday before I was scheduled to leave on Friday. I was counting on the fact that He was asking me to trust Him once again, and when He decided the time was right, He would let me know what He wanted me to say. And He did…or so I thought.

He gave me a passage of scripture and supporting material on Monday just like before, but I couldn’t seem to pare it down to five minutes. I knew it was a message that needed to be heard because it was one that I needed to hear myself. Still, I was really struggling with the time issue, and this was not the first time that had happened.

When I attended in ’05, my speaker team evaluator said that she thought I was headed in the right direction with my topic, but that I had not really driven my point home in the time allotted.

I need to take a little detour here and explain a bit more about that. Ordinarily, I would have been crushed by my evaluation. I think I only received a 3 out of 5 overall. Being a perfectionist by nature, under different circumstances, I probably would never have attempted this again. But as God so often does, He had other plans, and He orchestrated a way for me to be okay.

The evaluations were completed just before the evening meal. I had already decided that what was done was done and knowing what my evaluator and peers had said before I retired to my room for the evening wasn’t going to change a thing, so I determined not to look at my sheets until that time.

I had only just entered the dining hall when one of the women in my group came running up to me. She told me how my message had spoken to her so deeply. She said that one of the personal stories I had shared was something she was struggling with at that very moment, and that God had spoken to her through me. Not only that, she and her sister had attended together, and they had only told one another on the way to the conference that they were both struggling with the same thing! She said she raced off after the evaluations were over to tell her sister about me and brought her over to meet me later that evening.

I was so humbled. Even before I read the evaluation sheets, I knew I had not done a very good job. I knew the topic was too big for the amount of time I had to speak, and I felt somewhat despondent sensing that I had let God and myself down.

However, the God of the universe who loves me so much, my Abba Father (I’m tearing up right now), reached down His hand to touch me through those lovely ladies to reassure me that it didn’t matter if my talk had only rated a 3. He had used me to speak a word to another of His children. If I would just trust Him and continue to step out in obedience, He could and would use my seemingly paltry offering for His glory.

Oh how great is our God! I do love Him so!

Since this post is already quite long, and there is still lots more to tell, I will continue with more tomorrow.

Until then…

I’m home. It was an exhilirating and exhausting weekend all at the same time. I promise I will be back later tonight or tomorrow with a recap of my weekend, but for now I am enjoying spending time with my family.